RouseWorld | Wayward Packet

For the Week of 11/20/00

My Dream Restaurant
or That's Life

(Behind the checkout counter) — I've had a vision of a little restaurant. It would be a modest single-story brick building in an urban area. The original building would have been something beloved by locals, who would resent the new restaurant. The sign would be plain and would have two parts. The words That's Life would be at the top and "Cafe and X" at the bottom. The X part would change from day to day; "Cafe and Municipal Airport," "Cafe and Auto Garage," "Cafe and Nightclub," whatever. There would be no pretension that That's Life is even a cafe, much less an airport or nightclub. If anyone asked why there was no garage, or complained that this wasn't a nightclub they would be told, "That's just life."

Inside the restaurant would be rather plain, in the style of a fast food restaurant but without the plastic charm. The staff that would seem somewhat distracted, as if they had almost be caught at something they had to interrupt by your presence. The staff would be helpful enough, but would always seem to be elsewhere, as if they were trying to keep in mind a 50-digit number. There would be no phone.

The menu board would also have two parts. At the top in large letters would be vague but positive qualities like: Unity, Justice and Truth. The rest of the board would be filled with a bewildering array of foodstuffs. If anyone tried to order from the bottom section the staff would tell them that those listings were intended to be inspiring, but do not represent food that could be ordered. The listings at the bottom are virtues that don't have a real physical existence, the staff would explain to the customer. The food — the real things that you can hold in your hand and touch and eat — are listed on the top row, the staff would say.

At first it would seem that it didn't matter what the customer ordered. Each customer, after ordering Peace or Happiness would be given a brown paper bag and be asked for about $3.50. If asked the customer would also be given a reciept that would say "approx. $3.50." If the customer gave some money that was close but not over $3.50 the staff member would thank the customer and take the next order. If the customer gave more than $3.50 the staff member would give the customer back about the amount of change they should get plus, perhaps, a few small glass beads or other small articles.

In each bag would be something to eat that could be valued at around $3.50, sometimes more or less. At first the contents would seem random, but regular customers would sense a subtle pattern. Perhaps on even Tuesadays in months with 'r's the meals would most likely be something with chicken. There would be a TV with a fuzzy display in one corner. No one would be able to tell what station it is turned to, although everyone would think that whatever is playing seems familiar.

As each person left they would pass under a sign that would say:

If you can't make something better, at least try and make it different.